Other Covert Functions of the Female Body Identified by Todd Akin’s Medical Experts

by Corinne Purtill

Detachable cervix

Pancreas transforms into compact mirror

Plastic feet permanently molded into high heel shape

MHC molecules on cell surface bind to virus antigens and shut that whole thing down

Deep prefrontal cortex folds make math hard

Alveoli convert oxygen into maternal longing

Rape-repelling pheromones (deactivated when skin on upper thigh or arm exposed)

Radioactive nipples

Womb converts into soapbox

Monthly cycle sheds excess brain cells through the vagina